I failed you, Disha!

It’s been 11 days to the sad and unfortunate death of Disha. And yesterday, all 4 accused of the rape and murder were killed in an encounter. All the debate and discussion about the rape and the encounter is already out there, thanks to social media. There’s nothing much left for me to say.

To be honest, I don’t have anything to say because when I think about the case, I cannot point fingers at anyone. I cannot call out on anyone and say, hey! It’s your fault. I am not in a place where I can question the government or lecture how a mother should raise his son or ask girls to be more careful or suggest them to keep pepper spray etc. I have no complaints and no as such lecture to give.  

I am just sorry and my crime is so huge that I cannot even ask for forgiveness. I am sorry because it’s been 7 years to Nirbhaya and I have done nothing to make this society a better place for any girl, for that matter, for anyone. 

These 11 days I have done nothing but introspect myself, my attitude and my responsibility as a part of this society. I am no one to question the government, the police, accused’s mother or that poor girl when I did not do my bit to make this place a better one. I realised in these 11 days that it is so damn easy and convenient to question the system but so damn hard to look inside. I cannot look at myself in the mirror because it is me, all me, who lead this society to this horrific level. 

What was I doing when a guy was making a sexist joke? What was I doing when my boss was calling his another female colleague by names? What was I doing when a group of my friends were trying to objectify a woman? Nothing! All these things sound small and trivial on paper but all this allows the culture of rape and harassment to prosper. All these small actions allow one to believe that it’s ok to think that men have the right over women’s body. These trivial actions add up to the horrific incident like Hyderabad rape case.

It will be too late for me to be a mother and teach my son how to respect women. I cannot wait that long to make my contribution. The change needs to happen now. I need to monitor my attitude towards other women, I need to check my male friends' behaviour towards women other than me. I need to talk to my younger brothers about the situation and I need to do my bit to stop the culture where it is ok to objectify any girl.

Recently, I was watching an actors round table by Anupama Chopra. Along with some big Bollywood names, South Indian actress ‘Parvathy Thiruvothu’ was also present in the panel. While talking about her movie choices and her take on a film like Arjun reddy (Hindi remake - Kabir Singh), she said, “I would do nothing as an actress, as someone who has the power to influence the large number of people, which objectifies women or which glorifies the hero who overpower a woman. Because the film can influence thousands of people especially in a country like India where audience worship stars.” On the contrary, Manoj Bajpayee, whom I admire the most as an actor said, “I can do any part good, bad, evil for just the sake of it. I don’t go into the calculation of its impact.”  

Today, as we lose one more daughter of this country, we have to choose between the two most contrast behaviours as stated above. One, where you are actually ready to bring a change by your little actions or the another where you are ready to just complaint and question everyone on social media but you and do possibly nothing to make the situation better. 

An "apolitical blog"

Recently apolitical prime time done by Ravish Kumar is gaining a lot appreciation. I would also like to congratulate him for the same. He definitely knows how to counter his opponents and how to do it creatively. In the media world where everything is counted in seconds, keeping your creativity intact is a big and difficult thing. So, again I would like to applaud him for keeping his art alive. 

I love films and I love to hear when artist talk about their craft, their struggles, how they managed to survive and make a big name in the industry. When I read about Nawazuddin Siddique, how he managed to live on parle-g for two years! I was stunned. These stories inspire us, they motivate us to dream big, do big. So, I have a question if the prime minister of India has a struggle story to share, has a story which can inspire young minds like me to dream, unlike others, how is it wrong? 

When Barak Obama became the president whole world acknowledged the fact that a black man, after years of struggle became America’s president, then how come a journey of chaiwala to prime minister holds no importance?

I would also like to ask Mr Ravish Kumar, how is Rahul Gandhi’s “informal” chit chat with students before elections is justified if every conversation before the election should revolve around politics? 

If political leaders are just meant to talk about politics then on what grounds do you justify apolitical interview given by Rajiv Gandhi to Simi Garewal? 

Problem with India is we tend to keep people on a pedestal and forget that they too could have a human quality. We expect our parents to be always perfect because they are superior to us. But often forget they are human too. The same tragedy was faced by a simple innocent question asked by a driver’s daughter, whether prime minister enjoy mangoes. He is a prime minister for the love of god, how can he talk about mangoes!? Right? 

Akshay Kumar has given numerous interviews before taking this one, all the journalists from Rajeev Masand to Ravish Kumar has one question for him reserved, “how do you wake up 4 in the morning and go to sleep by 9 in the night?” When journalists themselves have incorporated the fact that stars are meant to be asked only about their personal life, not their craft, how do you expect him to ask questions related to the craft of Narendra Modi?

The concept of detachment talked by both Narendra Modi and Ravish Kumar is a very complex thing to understand. Especially by the people who have faced Income tax raid. Loving your mother and feel that detachment from her is two very different things. One cannot overpower another. Understanding the fact that we all are travellers is a difficult thing, so, I can understand the confusion, Ravish Kumar had. 

An exit - not so graceful

The sudden demise of saint Bhaiyuji Maharaja has left the whole of India in dismay and why not? A saint committing suicide by shooting himself compels us not just to question what led him to take such a severe step but also to question the society we live in, in today’s era.

A saint is perceived to be above materialistic things and to be unaffected by all the wordily relationships. Then, why and how did all these superficial things catch the so-called saint into their trap and finally lead to his fatal end? Secondly, if saints are also getting affected by the venom spilled by the foundation of this society, then it’s high time to start rethinking our values and ethics. Mostly, to start thinking in what direction do we wish to lead ourselves.

Even though suicide does sound like a coward step but the idea to kill yourself doesn’t develop in a day. It goes through a long process and many factors contribute to the same. The components mostly being relationship statuses, financial stability, relation with peers etc. and everything which comes under the general functioning of a society. India is one of the leading countries in increasing suicide rates and the news of a saint committing suicide has put our whole working as a society and as a family under a question.

Rather than just focusing on what interpersonal relations or what property disputes caused Bhaiyuji Maharaja’s death, I believe this time should be used in self-analysing and in questioning the practices we are indulging ourselves in.

There is, of course, no harm in being ambitious or aspiring to be rich or successful but at what cost needs a serious thinking. There is a famous tale from South Indian mythology where a queen explains to his husband how he could have it all from his dynasty to his family and still be a religious or say devotee to his lord. The key is detachment. Detachment seems to be missing from this generation. This generation seems to be too sentimental about all the materialistic things and wordly relations around.

A very good article was published in the “Times of India” which talked about the graceful exit. When the situation demands leave, just leave. It doesn’t mean to face the failure but to take a step back and evaluate. The race of doing it all at once and of reacting quickly needs a pause today. If the situation doesn’t seem to be fair, just make a graceful exit from it instead of clinging on to it before it gets ugly. Its okay to make a departure and come back again.

The same phenomenon applies to death. It's very important to leave this body with elegance. Suicide or leaving behind the ugly unfinished business is not an ideal way to bid goodbye as it leaves no good message for a family or for loved ones. For that, its very important to learn the concept of leading a good life, the concept of detachment and as stated above the concept of exiting gracefully.

Let us not turn this unfortunate casualty into a debate on Bhaiyu maharaja’s connections, relations or money but make it a significant moment of self-inspection and evaluation.

No game changer - Veere di wedding

It’s ok to accept that a particular movie is another chick-flick. It’s ok to accept that nothing great would come out of a particular film. And why not? Not every movie is meant to create a change. Not every production needs to start a revolution or change the mentality of the whole society. Not every women-centric movie needs to be a game changer for the role of a female in the movie business. 

But maybe actresses of Veere di wedding didn’t realise the same while going through the script because during the promotion of the movie whole cast specially Swara Bhaskar and Sonam Kapoor were continuously spotted saying it’s not a chick-flick and is going to change the definition of women roles in the movie. Coming that from an actress like Swara Bhaskar who has carried a film like “Neel batte sanata” on her shoulder is a big thing or maybe she was trying to promote some other movie. Because after watching the movie you are left with no message. What game changer things are we planning in our head for women now in any business needs to be clearly defined. 

Only if a girl can abuse and openly talk about sex, we have created a strong character for her? Only because Kalandi played by Kareena Kapoor is shown afraid of commitment like most of the boys in movies, we have given a just depiction of women in today’s era? 

Does for the acclaimed actresses like Sonam Kapoor, Kareena Kapoor and Swara Bhaskar the meaning and concept of feminism is that shallow? What dictionaries are these main lead actresses are using? These show-biz people need to understand they have a great responsibility on their shoulder while they produce a movie because in India trends are still set by these big stars and their movies. They need be to cautions while serving content to the audience. Yes, they are there to make money but they cannot play with minds of people for the sake of it. 

For all those people who thought that Sonam Kapoor lost her feminism just because she changed her surname after her marriage, don’t you think the whole movie was an insult to womanhood?

The whole movie revolved around nothing but few adult jokes. I remember one of the interviews of Sonam Kapoor where she was caught saying, why aren’t there any films made on female friendship like “Zindgi na milegi dobara” or like “dil chahta hai”? And veere di wedding is going to be the icebreaker for the same. My question is, first, was the movie based on friendship? Because there was little about the bond they shared apart from them objectifying boys together the same way movies did to girls for a  long time. 

Second, if it was a movie on female bonding, do really girls talk only about sex and boys when they bond with each other. Why just to compete male-centric films we need to make a woman do same things boys do? Why can't we just accept the fact that we girls function in a different way and produce something more realistic than this? 

What the movie ‘Queen’ did was phenomenal. The journey of a girl who was left before her marriage was actually a movie which talked about a real issue and changed the mentality of many. 

This movie could have done the same if the makers had invested more time in the journey of these four girls. How kalandi (kareena Kapoor) became commitment-phobic? Why didn’t the marriage between Sakshi (Swara Bhaskar) and her husband work out? What trauma did Meera (Shikha Talsania) go through after running away from her parents and why did Sonam Kapoor desperately wanted to get married? The movie instead of answering these questions and their bond in between went on a different track by showing some inappropriate scenes. 

They could have handled each issue with great sensitivity like Zoya Akhtar did in “Zindagi na milegi dobara”. Few scenes of Swara Bhaskar were not only inappropriate but were also not necessary. It’s really hard to digest a woman who had the nerves to thrash Sanjay Leela Bhansali for glorifying Jauhar on the big screen, agreed on doing a shallow character like Sakshi in Veere di wedding. 

I am not saying there is anything wrong in making a commercial movie because obviously, all producers are there to make money but what’s wrong is the means of promotion they used that surely mislead the audience. These are the same actresses who posted photographs of themselves with a placard saying I am Hindustan and I am ashamed, to protest against Kathua rape case, were they not ashamed to agree on doing shallow characters which projected women in poor light and depict something which holds no importance in Indian society?

I agree its time we should start talking openly about sex and other things like commitment issues faced by this generation but there could be a subtle way to do the same. The movie was disappointing in every sense because it could not bring forward any issue properly.

An open letter to Asifa

Dear Asifa, 

I know you are too young to understand why those 8 people did to you what they did. I know you are too young to care about the system and I know you don’t even worry whether prime minister Narendra Modi spoke on your case or not.You don’t care whether your case was a religious propaganda or a political act. But I am sorry that we are just concerned about these points.I and other people of our nation are just worried about the caste of the men who raped you. we are more caught up in finding what did Rahul Gandhi say, what was the view of Menka Gandhi. Today, through this letter I want to apologise to you on their and my behalf. 

Asifa, I am sorry I don’t even want to think what punishment your rapist should get because after whatever you faced I really don’t know who should be behind the bars, them (accused) or the whole human race. After reading your story I want to serve penance myself for not being able to create a better society for children like you. Today, with your sinners I hope we all humans would be able decide our retribution because when something like this happens the question is not only why the accused did what he did, the bigger question is where are we leading ourselves on the name of religion, on the name of politics. 

When a man does a hideous crime like rape, I feel sorry and culprit myself that I didn’t raise my voice higher enough to urge every mother to inculcate basic values in their sons. I am sorry Asifa for letting these man ruin your life.

Asifa, when you meet almighty I request you to complain not only about those 8 cruel men but also feel free to tell him, that we the so called ‘intelligent race’ have created monsters in ourselves through knowledge and power. Do convey him how shallow this world has become. Also tell him that even after your death we kept on raping you daily in newspapers. Girl, Do not shy away from telling him that the world he moulded has nearly came to an end. 

It was heartbreaking to hear that you passed away but somewhere I feel it happened for a good reason because you know we won’t have allowed you to have normal life. This is how we have developed ourselves in this blind race of politics, votes, religion. 

I am sorry Asfia because we didn’t build a good society for you. As a human, as an elder and as a woman I apologise to you for making you go through all that. I don’t know the art to flip time but I can promise I will try to work harder, I will try to raise my voice higher for developing a more secure space for angles like you. 

-Soumya

Yoga - an anti-Christian practice

Recently a commission report was prepared by the Pala diocese Bishop, Kerala, which was later on approved by the Syro Malabar church synod. It is interesting to note that the report states, “Yoga doesn’t bring about any improvement in any person.” It also adds, “The RSS and other sangh parivar groups are trying to promote yoga all over India. So laity and church heads should take care to avoid paying attention to yoga and other spiritual movements which are totally against the catholic faith. The yoga and other ‘anti-Christian practices’ do not encourage the official teaching of the church.” 

On the one hand the whole world acknowledged the importance of yoga and to even celebrate its virtue declared 21 June as world yoga day while on the other hand there are these people who have the courage to link yoga with some culture. Plus have the audacity to declare it anti-Christian. What I don’t understand is what is anti-christian in practicing yoga? What makes a community to say that any sensible person should not encourage such practices? 

Just because the roots of yoga and meditation are found in India, it suddenly became a threat and something which should not be practiced at all. Doesn't a way to meditate, a way to attain peace should be universal? Don’t you feel instead of trying to find cultural or so called communal issues in it, we should rather be focusing on how to promote it to create a stress free society? When even western science is understanding the importance of yoga, isn’t it baffling to hear that only sangh or so-called Hindu organisations are trying to promote yoga? Is yoga or ways to mediate patented by RSS? How by practicing yoga, a way of exercise, a person would be unfaithful to his own culture or community? 

I want to highlight here that even science says yoga improves health, reduces stress and elevates mood. In a 2005, German study, women who described themselves as “emotionally distressed” took two yoga classes a week for three months. The control group maintained their normal activities—which did not include exercise or stress reducing techniques. At the end of the three months, the women in the yoga classes reported improvements—depression scores improved by 50%, anxiety scores by 30%, and overall well-being scores improved by an incredible 65%. Headache, backache, and poor sleep quality complaints also decreased more often in the yoga group than in the control. 

So what kind of vigilance is report asking for? And how a practice to have a good health against catholic faith? I do not intend to mock or insult anyone’s culture or beliefs but I do wish to get answers to my questions. Because these kinds of report not only misleads innocent minds but also in some way winds communal tension. These reports should be studied carefully before approving because they can factually wrong and may also hurt someone’s beliefs. Anyone influential should understand what difference their word could make before speaking or stating any item. They should also realise what kind of message world be interpreted by their statements. 

Some people have already raised voices against this report. I hope their voices would build pressure on the makers to amend the same. 

India and loneliness minister

Recently an article published in Times of India with an interesting heading, “ Do we need a loneliness minister?” It is an intriguing question to ask. The article talked about how we are so engrossed in our digital social circle that we have lost all connection and contact with the outside world. Where we have thousands of friends on our Facebook list but none to have a shoulder to cry on. The modern age of living has surely made people come closer but has also made people feel lonely.

According to the article published, “Loneliness is more dangerous than smoking 15 cigarettes a day and raises the risk of heart problem and diabetes.”

Loneliness has nothing to do with social acceptance or family condition, it is basically the state of mind. In the digital era where everything is counted by number of likes and followers, somewhere we have lost the inner sense of satisfaction, the inner peace.

The united kingdom understood the seriousness of this matter and literally appointed a minister of loneliness! Recently in Madhya Pradesh a similar step was taken forward. A whole research team was called up to measure the happiness index of the state.

India is one of the leading nation where teenagers and youngsters are in depression due to various reasons. According to the statistics 1 IN 5 people in India needs psychological treatment and the number of people living in depression has increased by approximately 18.4% in last few years. It comes as a shock to know that even in a country like India, we have students feeling lonely or depressed and we need measure the index of happiness. A place where yoga took birth, where mediation evolved, where from starting we have discussed about inner peace, talked about getting over superficial material, we came on to the stage where people are not finding contentment.

What have we done to reach a state where we have artificial intelligence but in the race of achieving it we somewhere lost emotional intelligence (EI).

There was a so called prudent saint who was master of all knowledge. Once he hired a boat to cross a river. While he was on the boat he asked the boatsman,“Do you know philosophy?” The poor boatsman said,“No”. The saint, with great grief said,“Oh you wasted one-third of your life.” The boatsman got little nervous.

After a little while the saint asked,“Do you have knowledge ofof sociolo?” The boatsman said no in a very low voice. Saint smirked and said,“you fool, you wasted half of your life.” Saint asked few more questions and finally declared the three-fourth of boatman’s life futile.

Just when boatsman was about to break down by the sudden realisation of his wasteful life, a storm erupted in the river. Both boatsman and saint got petrified. Now, the boatsman asked the saint, “Do you know how to swim?” The saint said no with dread in his eyes. Boatsman smiled and said,“My three-fourth life may have been wasted but now your whole life would drain in the spate of this river.

Moral - It doesn’t matter how much knowledge you posses or how much wealth you have acquired. Important point is know how to live. How to satiate your soul, your own self.

If we wont learn the art of living, if we wont learn the basic law of life, we will keep getting tangled in this peripheral world of facebook and Instagram. While we have different mediums to fulfil our living needs, we need to do something for the fulfilment of our soul, from somewhere we need to arrange the soul food for deep sense of self satisfaction in life.

It is the demand of the time to go back to our actual ethics and values to understand the worth of our life. Its time to start reading Bhagvat Geeta again to unlock the secret of our lives.

As stated by Geeta everything around you is tranquil, everything around you is transient and one day everything would get demised. To attain peace and get away from the feeling of loneliness we need to fathom this truth.

-Soumya